New Contract for the White House Magician?

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White House master magician J. Carrod Blimp is currently seeking to extend his lucrative contract for another four years before getting fired and forced back into touring country clubs, second-rate casinos and third-rate TV shows.

More than a few overseas observers of magic La-La-Land have come to the conclusion that “The Blimp,” as he is affectionately known to the stunned trade press, is the biggest and best deceiver this strapped and torn country has seen in a long time. Here’s why:

His verbal control and patter are unique. A master of misdirection and surprise, he effortlessly turns facts into lies, transforms factoids into “alternate facts” and changes topics and positions quicker than a Sliding Die Box. Timing and misdirection of the feisty faker are flawless and only seen through by the initiated few.

A master contortionist and leading global bizarrist, he has also single-handedly introduced the very visual genre of “nose-flag magic,” which he likes to perform in formal and informal circles (see below). Always a stunner! Equipped with a handful of funny pinstriped sock-puppet Secretaries, he also practices his effortless ventriloquism and makes grown men sound like goofy rugrats. So funny! And let’s not forget his time-honored burlesque pussy-grabbing routine, which certainly is a favorite among fledgling models and lawyers alike!

Like Moses parted the Sea, the deporter-deceptionist parts his huge audiences into “Us” and “Them” with just a wave of his ole tiny wand. Where Copperfield only walked through an old Wall, he announces to build a brand-new one nobody will ever penetrate! What a Houdiniesk challenge! And hold your breath for the biggest and most enduring trick ever in his upcoming Grand Desillusion Show: Where Copperfield only made the Statue of Liberty disappear temporarily, he is about to make the Constitution disappear– permanently, that is. Merlin Awards galore!

So get in line and book your ticket now – and don’t let his ole sidekick Donny, the Demented Deceiver make that one disappear, too!

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